Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Josh said I could do whatever I wanted with his ashes.   I remember, quite fondly, his saying that I could throw them away if I wanted.  That was Josh.

I have 5 small scattering urns.  Chrissy has 2.  We make a lot of powder.

One of Josh's paper urns

I'm currently in San Francisco which is one of the places that Josh and I went on our honeymoon in 2008.  I brought two of the small urns with me.  We were married on Sept 12.   I made sure I was here on that day.

Josh loved San Francisco.  He told me he wanted us to move here one day.  Here or Germany.  One of the places that Josh took me when we came in 2008 was to John Muir Woods.  I remember walking around for a while and taking pictures.  It was and still is absolutely beautiful and peaceful.

I decided to find a place at Muir Woods National Monument to spread one of his urns.  There were so many people there and you're not allowed to leave the trail that I was having a hard time deciding where I could have a private and secluded moment.

As I was walking, in between Bridge 3 and 4, there is a trail that branches off.   A short way up that trail is a tree called Kent Tree.  It was one of the founders of this area's favorite tree.  The tree had fallen on March 18, 2003.   

The plaque dedication to William Kent

Kent Tree

A slightly different view of Kent Tree

Another view of Kent Tree - I walked around the back

I walked up to the fallen Douglas fir and placed my hand on it.  I knew this is where I should spread his ashes.  One of the people he admired the most and that he called friend is named Kent.  Plus this is one of the founders of the woods and it was so beautiful and poetic.  This was a strong tree that had lived about 350 years and was the tallest tree in the monument, but it had finally come down.  It was just fitting.

I didn't want them to be where people would walk though, it had to be on the other side.   You aren't allowed off the trail though!   I walked around, back and forth a few times.  I took the pictures.  People walked by (not many, it's a steep trail in places) and some asked if I was alright.   Yes, definitely.  Thanks.

I thought, Josh would want me to be "bad" and break the rules.  He'd want me to go off the boardwalk and go to the other side of the tree.  The rule keeper in me justified it and said that I would clean my shoes and not step on the path to spread anything to any other tree, it would be safe.   I thought about it for far too long.   I should just DO!

And so, when no one was coming from either direction, I jumped over the fence and rushed to the other side. I almost started laughing because it really was funny.  It was raining and so I protected the urn the best I could as I pulled it out of my backpack.   I opened the lid, popped the top, told Josh I love him and started pouring.

It was coming out too slow though!  I started to panic!  I pulled out the rest of the inner lid and dumped.   Poof, a cloud flew into my face.  I did laugh this time.   I covered his ashes with dirt as I cried.   A couple came up the path and I don't think they saw me.   I stopped panicking, put everything in my backpack, told Josh that I love him again and walked out. I realized only after I had walked away that I didn't take pictures of the backside, but that's okay.

I moved a short bit away and a family came up and took pictures.  I'm really quite glad I didn't do it out where people would walk on them.  I want them to sit and then when a heavy rain comes, wash down the mountain a bit where they'll mix into the dirt.   Then I want to be able to come back another time and put my hand back on the Kent Tree and say hi.