I give in!

I did it!  I made an appointment with a counselor.  Yes, I know, my grief and everything I'm going through is totally normal.  I've read the five or seven or mash-up stages of grief, however you want to phrase that.  blah blah blah blah blah

But I need a person who is totally neutral and detached to talk to and discuss my roller coaster of emotions.  Numb is gone and what I have now is driving me crazy.  My work and health are suffering.  If anything I just want to feel like I'm doing something.

My biggest fear is I'll have a repeat of when I saw a counselor after my mother passed away.  He was awful.  I can always walk away if I need to, right?   All I know is I need to talk to someone who I won't be dragging through the dirt with my emotions.  I have no one I can turn to for that.   Everyone I feel "safe" with either is hurting with me or they have recently gone through their own similar pain. Or I just feel like I'm putting them out by droning on, and crying, all the time.  It doesn't matter how they feel about it; it stresses me out and causes me to clam up and put on my, "I'm great!" face.

This website talks about the 7 Stages of Grief.  I don't think I want this:

"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.