Imagine

The past couple of years I knew Josh was not going to live to be old with me. Oh I wished it, but I still tried to mentally prepare myself. Unfortunately no matter how much I tried it didn't work and I'm still completely crushed and am having trouble imagining my future without him.

I know I'll live anywhere from a day to 40+ years from now. Most likely I'll have cancer in my 50s (both parents came down with different forms in their 50s, lucky me) or with the amount of anxiety I have, I'll likely have hypertension or something heart related at some point. Regardless, I had an image of Josh being there to get me through.

When I imagine that number 40 and try to think of being alone for that many years, I hear nothing but screams in my head. I can't fathom the thought of finding someone else and doubt anyone else could put up with my crazy birds. Ha. Josh loved me more than anyone could and I can't replace that.