Panic Attacks

After my mother passed away I started having panic attacks.  They all centered around my dying.  Lovely.  Or I'd think about other people dying who were close to me and then I'd focus on death and panic and gah.

After my grandparents passed away I was fine.  No panic attacks.  A lot of that was because I had Josh helping out and he was so incredibly supportive.  He didn't leave me alone.  :)  My sister was also there to help out quite a bit.   I was anxious, just no panic.

Before today, with Josh, I've been fine.   This morning I woke up at 4:14 a.m. and had a small attack, but quickly relaxed.  I fell back to sleep.   I took my dad to the airport at 6:30 and when I came home at about 7:30 a.m. I had a full blown, kick me down panic attack.  My chest was hot, then my face, my heart was pounding, I was extremely light headed, I had a feeling of dread, I just KNEW I was going to have a heart attack or a stroke right then and there, but no Melissa, it's just a panic attack, but what if it isn't, oh my God I have to get out of this house, I have to talk to my sister, TEXT HER NOW!!!   WHY????  I paced in the front yard like a crazy person until Amber called me.  It was cold.

Anyway, after I woke Amber up and chatted with her for a little bit, I calmed down, I did not die, everything is fine.  I took a nap and I'm good now.  

I went to the funeral home today to have them help me with making those "important" phone calls.  They also gave me helpful advice.   They gave me a card with information about their bereavement services.  They have counselor led meetings a couple times a week you can go to and talk to other people who are going through the same thing.   I'm going to do it.   I didn't do it with my grandparents as I really didn't need it, but this time, I definitely need help.